This Is Me Letting You Go

 I knew things has been difficult lately. I felt it, there's something wrong between us. Everything starts to change. I held tightly to my naive hopes for as long as I could. What else can I do? I'm an eternal optimist who believes in the best despite all evidence to the contrary. I refused to accept the facts that were staring me down in the face. I declined the idea of us parting. Because I believe that we can still make things work.

But maybe I was blind. Or I made myself blind. I ignored the red flags. I pretended that it's not hurting me, that it's not breaking us. Then, I realized that ignoring the red flags right before your eyes is probably the worst thing you could do to yourself because they never turn green and they never change. Now, I'm slowly learning that just because you want to keep someone around doesn't mean you have to lie to yourself about what you're seeing and what you know deep down.

Maybe, it may have ended a long ago. I was selfish thinking we can still persevere, we can still endure and make it through. Despite the fact that I knew it was best for us both, I refused to accept that it was over. I was idealistic, or perhaps romantic. I just thought love can make it through anything, despite the context of it. It wasn’t until I couldn’t recognize myself anymore that if finally hit me. This relationship isn't healthy. Spiritually. Mentally. Emotionally.

Maybe, I just love you too much that I can't imagine a life without you. You were my home. I was ready spending the rest of my life with you. I fought for you and the relationship to work. I tried to save it. But I later realized that if I keep fighting, I'll be fighting myself. I'll exhaust myself over nothing. It wasn't necessary. 'Cause this not what you want. You are not happy. You were just waiting for me to get tired and give up. You're just waiting for me to let go.

So, this is me accepting that you aren't the one for me. I'm sorry if took time for me to realize this. I just got stuck with this fairy tale idea. But I want to thank you for taking part of my journey. Perhaps, the love we once had is not meant to stay , instead it was destined to change our lives because if not, the pain would have been all in vain. I don't regret how things turned out; I learned a lot as a result. I'm sure you did as well. I just hope it didn't have to last that long. My only solace is the thought that all of this, all of the pain we have caused each other, will eventually lead us to better life, to contentment, to happiness--happiness that we both deserve.

So this is me saying thank you...and finally letting you go.