This Is How I Will Love You

 




I know you're somewhere out there. I know you're probably as hopeless as I am right now, about to give up on love because it's been so terrible lately, but I know you'll show up in my life at the most unexpected time, and I know we'll just feel it.

My mind wanders and goes to the thought of you more frequently than it should. I envision the sound of your voice, the beat of your heart, and the smell of your body. I imagine the way you laugh, the curve of your grin, and how excited I am to get to know you.

But today, as I sat here in the park where everyone is moving in their own rhythm, I came to think of you. All of a sudden, I grabbed my notebook and started writing. The first line is this…this is how I will love you.

I am not the most beautiful girl you’ll ever see. In fact, my beauty is below average, and you’d probably not notice me at first glance. But I want you to know that I know how to carry myself. I know how to dress properly and accordingly. I am also careful with my hygiene, I make sure I look neat and clean.

I am not the most intriguing person you’ll ever meet, not even the most intelligent one. I might not answer your question right away, not get your pick up lines at first try. I might not even understand the things that you share, including the theories you wonder are true. But I am silly and witty as they say, I can make you smile in a cold rainy day.

I am not the most fluent person when it comes to words. I might not even find the right words to say to comfort you when things get heavy. But I can be with you in your darkest hours. You can lean on me. I will wipe your tears. I will listen to your frustrations, your disappointments and all your struggles. You can rest on me whenever you are tired and exhausted

I am not talented as the rest of the world. I am not good at dancing, my painting is terrible, and my writings are messed up. But I can sing for you regardless if I hit the right note, I can dance with you even if it seem out of rhythm. I can write about you, too. Although not the best, but I can try.

I am not the kindest person you’ll have. I might disappoint you, fail you or even hurt you. But I am sure to say sorry when it’s my fault. I will try my hardest not to hurt you. I know things will get hard and I might be tempted to just leave and choose the easier path. But please know that I will always try to choose what’s best for you, what’s best for us. I'm not going to walk away at first sign of conflict. I'm not going to allow my ego get in the way. I will sure to fight not against you, but with you.

I am not the easiest person to deal with. I’ll also have my breakdowns, my mood swings and my struggles. I might lose my temper and say words I don’t mean. I might be angry at you. I might even ignore you. But I am sure to make myself better every day. I will work on the things that need improvements. I will control my emotions as much as I can. There will be times when I will dislike you and don't want to be with you. You'll irritate and frustrate me, and I'll want to leave, but I won't.  No matter what obstacles we face, I'm not giving up on you, and I'm not giving up on us. I'm not going to let us fall apart. Even when things are difficult, I will remember to love you.

My love for you is not perfect, and it will never be. But I am sure to have the perfect source of unconditional love, the man who died the cross for me. Although, I might be the least of your option. But this is how I will love you:

I will love you in a way that honors and glorifies God. I will take care of you in a way that acknowledges Him. This is will never be easy, but I will try to make it right. I can’t wait to meet you and celebrate God’s greatness towards our lives.

But since it’s not time yet, I will continue to pray for you. For this is the best way I can love you.

 

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