Love and Life

I really never thought the day would come that I have to live without you. That I would sit there in an open space alone, with my head up wondering if you're there watching me. What am I suppose to do? Am I really have to hold into your memories and move forward without you? These are just few questions I wanted to talk with you. Because you know what? I was never prepared for this moment, and no matter what I know I will never be. I wasn't ready to say goodbye to someone who had meant so much to me. I mean, who in the entire world is ever ready? I always remind myself that you are not meant here, you're meant to be with Him. You were too good for this world. But even though I've been telling this to myself plenty of times, it doesn't make me feel better. It doesn't make the pain less hurting. Because I wasn't prepared to wake up in the morning and feel the pang in my chest as I realized you were no longer in my life. I was never ready to face the wor...

This is for you who sinks into a pit that's hard to scrabble out of. Like the world is an inescapable darkness. This is for you who feels constant restlessness and worry, disappointment struck continuously and living is paralyzing. This is for you who feels like the light at the end of the tunnel is a solitary candle about to blow out at any moment. This is for you who's trying to become the person everyone wants, everyone needs. This is for you who's trying to heal alone the things you don't speak about. This is for you crying in silence, loosing your mind, asking for help but there was none. This is for you dancing in the rain, pretending like everything is okay even though you feel like dying. This is for you waking up every morning fighting the exact demons that left you so exhausted the night before. This is for you who feels like friends or family are out of reach so they will never understand the pain you feel and the constant struggle you fight everyday. Thi...

Collection Part 1 : https://konsehella.blogspot.com/2021/08/things-i-dont-say-about-him-collection.html 11. I heard him heave a deep sigh. He was disappointed. He failed. It wasn't the desired outcome. And I was there, proud of him. Because even though he did not make it yet, I know he was doing his best.  12. He was alluring. Like a blooming flower under a sunrise. A calm wave in a vast sea. His beauty never gets old.  13. He's my sanity, when my mind's in chaos. 14. I'd always be fascinated with sunsets and sunrise. City lights and fireworks too. But none of them mattered when I am with him. He's my favorite, most favorite sight in the world. 15. He strummed the guitar, and smiled. He was lost in the music. Damn, how can he play like that and look so breathtaking? 16. His love was deep and awakening. There was something in him that made me believe in promises because I know that he will never break my heart. That despite the complexitie...

 Sharing with you my personal encounter of how great our God is. How He turned a painful event into something wonderful. I also hope this inspires you to seek and trust Him in everything that happened and will happen. When I was a kid, I never fully understood what God really is. Sure, I was praying, I was going to church every Sunday. I'd listen to His commandments. But it's not because I understand of what He is in my life, but because that was the right things I was told to do as a Roman Catholic. Today, I wonder if those things I did was considered for Him knowing what my purpose were. As I grow up, I slowly acknowledge who He is, and what I should do for Him--of course with the guidance of my grandmother who have always been a good follower of Him. I started praying and associating myself in the chapel with the sole purpose of honoring Him. It was good. I was happy serving Him, praying the rosary everyday and attending mass every Sunday. I believe that because I was ...

1. I have seen his rough and smooth edges. The easy and the difficult. And I don't know which one is more beautiful. His smile or his scars. His laughs or his tears. His good attributes or his faults. Nevertheless, I love everything of what he is. 2. I have seen him crumple. It was heavy. It was hurting him. He may not say it, but I know he's broken. I wish I was there, or he was here. Not to ease the pain, but to make it less painful. To make it at least bearable. 3. And in a place full of people, I'd always look for his eyes to meet mine.His hair was cut cleanly, giving him a regal appearance that emphasized him well. He look different. So damn different. But I'd always recognize him. That man, my soul knows he's someone familiar.                                                       4. He may not know it, but I always talk...

Finding answers of the questions that keep running in your head while trying to process things could be overwhelming. But hey, I got you! I'm not know-it-all person but maybe I can help. At least a little though. So, here are random questions from friends and strangers that probably most of us would relate. (Disclaimer: Some answers might not be accurate, these were reap from personal experiences and the books I have red. This could be right to me and wrong to you. Keep reading tho. Also, I translated the questions to make it understandable to everyone. No changes were made, except the language.) 1. Why does someone who doesn't want to hurt anyone keep secrets? Either keeping a secret is his way of not hurting anyone or lying was far easier than confronting the discomfort of being honest. A coin hast two sides.Some people see deception as a way to save loved ones from further pain, while some just refuse to accept responsibility for the consequences of their actions. Either...

  I knew things has been difficult lately. I felt it, there's something wrong between us. Everything starts to change. I held tightly to my naive hopes for as long as I could. What else can I do? I'm an eternal optimist who believes in the best despite all evidence to the contrary. I refused to accept the facts that were staring me down in the face. I declined the idea of us parting. Because I believe that we can still make things work. But maybe I was blind. Or I made myself blind. I ignored the red flags. I pretended that it's not hurting me, that it's not breaking us. Then, I realized that ignoring the red flags right before your eyes is probably the worst thing you could do to yourself because they never turn green and they never change. Now, I'm slowly learning that just because you want to keep someone around doesn't mean you have to lie to yourself about what you're seeing and what you know deep down. Maybe, it may have ended a long ago. I was sel...

   I know you're feeling blue right now. It happened suddenly. Without a warning. It just didn't felt right. You tried to dig down where it came from. You tried to process. To apprehend. But you can't put it into words. You just knew it's a dark place. Like you're riding a train without any destination, without any idea when it will end. I know you're feeling alone. Like this sad, heart-numbing pain was meant to be felt alone. It's like being in a room full of people but feeling invisible to each and every one of them. It's like drowning into the crowd. You never completely understood why you're feeling so desolated. You feet empty, and depressingly bare. I know you've been trying to figure things out. You're tirelessly convincing yourself that everything's gonna be alright. This shall pass. You will survive. You distract yourself. You connect to people. You tried everything you could to save yourself. It just didn't work. You...

   I know you were the one who left. You were the one who cut the ties and just walked away. Without warning. Without an explanation. Without a word.You were silent, that even your steps don't echo. You just knew it was for the best. For you. It was for you, I know. I know you were doubting right now. Perhaps, regretting. It was all too painful. They just thought it was easy. But it was the most difficult choice you had to decide. Every step was heavy, the road was blurry. It was the hardest thing to do, and the right thing to do too. At least, for you. I know you felt sorry. You felt misunderstood. It was you who left. It was you who gave up. It was you who did not endure and persevere. You were not patient, they say. You don't love him enough, they tell you. But little did they know, it was you who fought. It was you who endured. It was you who tried her best to make things work. You did everything you could. It just didn't turned out the way you expected. It was the ...